Alright, this lovely afternoon I got a text message from one of my guy friends asking when I start work. I told him the 15th, and this week i have a physical and orientation. He replies "I'll give you a good physical". I don't respond back. I screen shot the messages and send it to Kristie going WTF? First off. MEN. That is NOT cute. I will not like you, be interested, want you, or anything along those lines. Secondly, you should know by now, I just don't sleep with anyone. Sorry, I have had a bunch of guys bounce because I won't put out. Put your big boy pants on and respect a woman. Sex isn't my number one priority. SORRY DUDES! Then, Kristie and I got to talking about men, and if we were men for a day, what we would do!!
1. I would have a twig and berries: I'm sorry, I would LOVE to know what it is like peeing standing up without squatting over a toilet seat. If I was wasted, all I gotta do is whip it out and piddle! Drunk women attempt to squat. Or just sit, every 5 minutes. Hell, you can go in a bottle on a road trip like some Dumb & Dumber action!! HAHA!!
2. Sex.
I would LOVE to know what it feels like to you guys. haha. Sad, I know, but I would want to know what my ex husband raved about. It's great as a girl. I did get pregnant from thus ex husband after all.... I would have the jizz in my pants face and all. I mean, I am only going to be a man for a day. I would want to know what is so mind blowing for ya'll. Watch the Jenna Marbles video on youtube about what us women think about during sex. It's pretty spot on.. haha.
3. Just act like a douche.
Break some hearts. Get in fights. Try and show my raging biceps from hell.
4. Take your mother out for a nice steak dinner and never call her back.
Anchorman, anyone? I would be back as a woman the following day.... haha I am horrible. I just wanna be the major scrotum sucking, fucktarded male I have always encountered in my life! :)
5. yeah, that's about it. I don't think I have a number 5.... hahah
